The Power of Perspective by Susan Caldwell

When my oldest daughter was about thirteen she said to me, “Mom, things don’t change, just your perspective changes.” At the time she was becoming aware of the many possibilities of embarrassment that lay on the horizon as she approached high school…such as our family’s old blue Ford station wagon, my singing in the car, which side of “tracks” we lived on…etc.

I have been recalling this conversation and although at the time I was impressed by her observation of life and the opportunities that arise for us to choose new perspectives. I can see now how changing ones perspective becomes the catalyst for altering attitudes and actions as well. Sometimes this can be for the better, other times it can be very dangerous if we are left alone to redefine our lives by a wrong perspective.

A dear friend once encouraged me with these words. “Don’t forget in darkness what you knew to be true in the light.” I think immediately of the hundreds of times I have stubbed my toe in the dark as I make my way to the bathroom at night. My shoes, the dog’s bone or the edge of the bed have all caught me off guard; even though I knew they were there when the light was on. It is usually only after the stumble and cursing out loud, that the thought comes, “Oh yeah, I remember seeing that on the floor.”

Think of the darkness of adolescence; the fear of being different, the need to fit in and be cool while feeling so uncomfortable in one’s own skin, which all give plenty of opportunities to change perspectives on family values, lifestyles and even reality… thus proving the theory of “things don’t change, just your perspective changes.” The truth was my daughter’s view of our family did not change the facts about our family at all. Sadly, the only thing her perspective did change was her attitude and actions, making us very aware of how unhappy certain things about our family made her feel.

This brings an even deeper truth to the danger. When the times of darkness come, my perspective will be immediately changed, and if I begin to live as though there were no concrete items (beliefs) in my life, the danger only increases. Because, sadly, if left alone in the dark, I, like every other human being on Earth, am capable of believing my newfound perspective is the right one.

So, I need to have absolute, concrete truths in my life that will not disappear, even when darkness comes and my perspective is changed. I need real things to bump into reminding me I am making decisions alone in the dark. I also need to have others who know me and know my life to remind me of these so that during the times I do not have control over the darkness, like the electrical blackouts that come during a summer storm, my friends can help guide me. Or they will shout out, in an attempt to help save me from myself during the times I actually choose to close my eyes and walk around in the dark, stumbling, cursing and causing unneeded pain.

I am not saying changing our perspectives is always wrong, I am saying we should not change our perspectives alone…in the dark. Because of my daughter’s courage and wise understanding of life, many times she has given me opportunities to grow and change my perspective in places where I had held narrow-minded or selfish views.

What I am saying is that the choices we make affect everyone who lives in community around us, so when we choose to change our perspective on things, understanding that our attitudes and actions will be altered as well, we must not do so in the dark…because choosing does not change things…it only changes us…