...for such a time as this... by Susan Caldwell

John 9:1-3

“And as He passed by, He saw a man blind from birth. And His disciples asked Him, saying, “Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he should be born blind?” Jesus answered, ‘It was neither that this man sinned nor his parents; but it was in order that the works of God might be displayed in him.’

The presence of Christ in Africa:

*Widows caring for orphaned children in Malawi - the undesirable caring for the unwanted – those who were abandoned to die being offered life by those who were abandoned by death – the least valued loving the lost valuables
*First feeding center visit (in the middle of nowhere) – so scarce, so sparse – very little shelter, very short supplies – an impossible task facing an overwhelming need
*Second feeding center visit – long drive, long day, long road to find unwanted answers – seemingly so hopeless, constantly being asked; “sponsor” me, take me with you, pick me, choose me, save me – given an uncomfortable amount of misplaced honor and worth – making me painfully aware of my unworthiness – Save me too, Jesus
*Then the singing began – perfect pitch, perfect harmony, perfect acoustics – unbelievable joy in their faces and voices – physically poor but spiritually rich – I want what they have, they want what I have – each must give up what they have to receive the other – God help me for I am poor in spirit
*The longest day, the final feeding center, a lasting impression – 5 widows at a well working together; a common burden, retrieving a plastic bucket from the bottom of the well; a common need, drawing the water; a common daily task, preparing a meal for 200 plus people; this is how they have built their friendship – joy permeates from every pore of their bodies – laughter while they work to recover the bucket – dancing and celebrating when it is brought up full – No sense of entitlement or reward for their work - I am humbled, I build my friendships on; a common enemy, a common fear, a common complaint – I rarely sing with joy while I am toiling under a burdensome task – I demand payment or accolades for my efforts – Get away from me Lord, for I am sinful
*Celebration and dedication of the YL Training Center in Dar – lots of singing, dancing, crying – much more comfort here; comfort in lifestyle, comfort in similar vocabulary, comfort in the familiar, comfort in feeling known – I am safe here – I am home
*Most surreal day – starts with a national press conference – lunch overlooking the Indian Ocean – then a drive into/through utter poverty – visit a Sister of Mercy orphanage/convalescent home/sanitarium for the mentally and physically impaired – touch, play with and hold, you Jesus? – and end the day sitting on the beach at a resort – are you present here as well?
*An epiphany; in my economy changing, cleaning feeding the babies would be the least stretching “job” while changing and cleaning the mentally ill or dieing would be beyond my abilities; yet, Irene sees it differently; she says, ‘Once the adults are cleaned and feed they are happy, but the babies take constant care and are sometimes very fussy.’ So Irene begins praying for the Sister’s who care for the babies, because they need more patience and energy – Oh God I often pay a much higher cost trying to avoid what is the greater gain because I depend on; what my eyes see, my abilities are, my economy is
*Arusha – Surrounded by jobless men, orphaned and homeless, endless needs everywhere – Alexis says “God’s favor falls on some” – causing me to start searching desperately for an answer/a middle ground to live in – one where I do not under use my potential because I am overwhelmed with a deep sense of unworthiness, or where I lose perspective and begin to think; I am worthy, I deserve more, I have “the” answers – I don’t want to get stuck here in the sin of self-absorption – Lord let me hear the words of truth and help me to believe

“…I again saw under the sun that the race is not to the swift, and the battle is not to the warriors, and neither is bread to the wise, nor wealth to the discerning, nor favor to men of ability; for time and chance overtake them all.” Ecclesiastes 9:11

3 weeks of daily opportunities to learn again, Who God is and who I am not.

That my life is not the measure of; success or comfort or spiritual depth but it is God alone who measures a man’s worth.
All of creation, all things living have value and purpose because all things are created by God for His glory, His good pleasure; this includes the broken, the unwanted, the ones who are blind in sight and the ones who are blind in spirit. (John 9:1-3)
Man’s (my) wisdom is always folly
I infect more than I affect life around me…and still God’s love for me is full of mercy and grace. I am humbled and thankful to receive God’s favor, for such a time as this…

My Undeserved Gifts by Susan Caldwell

An African proverb; “You don’t kiss your children so they will kiss you, you kiss your children so they will kiss their children.”

I had the privilege of sitting with my youngest daughter this past Thursday night and listen to Maya Angelou speak. I deeply appreciate the opportunity to hear words of wisdom from such a gracious icon of courage and womanhood; words of gentle conviction both poetic and prophetic, about the value of each human life. But the real treasure was spending the evening with my daughter and observing her; seeing life and light flow through her eyes and soul, this I will never deserve and not soon forget.

I cannot stop thinking about the gift of healing my children have brought me: Healing with my self-image and worth and my sins of the past. It has been through their lives…from their birth…to the continued invitation into their daily lives that redemption has come to my soul. To be loved unconditionally and forgiven (even my continued shortcoming)…to be included in their laughter, joy, pain, hurt, dreams and disappointments…this is life giving and life inspiring for me.

As my children grew, the desires I had for them grew as well. When they were very little, holding, hugging, kissing and coddling them was what felt right and good to me and doing that was easy. In the toddler years the times of coddling were intermingled with some teaching and some discipline, mostly for their safety. The need to instruct and discipline increased as the world around them expanded…but the desire to hold them and love on them never decreased…but the reason why became clearer. I love them, not so they will love me back…but so that they would know they were loved…and thus were free to love others.

And now once again, I find myself being taught by my children. Becoming more aware of how much God loves me…and what His love of me feels like. When my children include me in their lives because they want to and not because they have to, this tells me they understand the power of love. To have love received is one thing…but to be loved in return…amazing. I rest knowing they will “kiss their children, not so that they will be kissed back, but so that their children will kiss their children.”

So now loving them is mingled with letting them go and I do this so that one day they too will release their children into the world and in so doing, hopefully, give them the gift of being believed in by others, giving them the ability to believe in a God who loves them unconditionally; Who desires to be included in their laughter and joy, pain, hurt, dreams and disappointments…who will continue to forgive them, even their continued shortcomings.


“Behold what manner of love the Father has given unto us, that we should be called the children of God.”

Identifying Mark by susan caldwell

“He who troubles his own house will inherit the wind.” Proverbs 11:29

The play, “Inherit the Wind” was written to show how McCarthyism was stirring up tension, distrust and hatred, by making irrational appeals to people's deepest fears. It is a common enough ploy, and greatly favored by dictatorial leaders who have no better means of appealing for support. It is interesting to note how often, in the 20th century, this has been proven true: Stalin (Russia), Hitler (Germany), Pol Pot (Cambodia).

Sadly in the play it is the Rev. Brown who symbolizes the McCarthyite "witch hunters"

BROWN. (Deliberately shattering the rhythm to go into a frenzied prayer, hands clasped together and lifted heavenward.)O Lord of the Tempest and of the Thunder! O Lord of Righteousness and Wrath! We pray that Thou wilt make a sign unto us! Strike down this sinner [Cates], as Thou didst Thine enemies of old, in the days of the Pharoahs!(All lean forward, almost expecting the heavens to open with a thunderbolt. Rachel [Brown's daughter/Cates' fiancee] is white. Brady shifts uncomfortably in his chair, this is pretty strong stuff, even for him.)Let him feel the terror of Thy sword! For all eternity, let his soul writhe in anguish and damnation -

By the end of the play, Brown has totally alienated his daughter - in other words, he has literally "stirred up trouble in his own house", and as a consequence "inherits the wind" - is left with nothing when Rachel leaves home with Cates.

At the end of the play the protagonist, speaks these final words. “You never push a noun against a verb without trying to blow up something.”

I must say, I have become intrigued by this idea. (And that is not just because I really like the idea of pushing anything against something in the hope of blowing it up…most especially complacency.) Actually what I was really thinking of was how often the church gets involved in foolish battles against our own “house” which when won leaves us empty…holding on to nothing. And the battle I am thinking about here is; the need to control. (The noun is need and the verb is control.)

And with that said I am either about to inherit nothing or by my sticking my foot into the fire and making an awful stink, stir us out of complacency and fear and into a battle whose victory will bring real freedom: The battle to fight for the courage to live without the need to control.
We (the church) must stop using shame and guilt and fear as a means to control those around us. Love and the response to love must be free, given freely and received freely. This is the entire message of Christ. All condemnation, all fear and all need to control is cast out by Perfect Love.

Brokenness scars and wounds are the only marks that identify us with Christ.

“Hast thou no scar?
No hidden scar on foot, or side or hand/
I hear thee sun as mighty in the land,
I hear them hail thy bright, ascendant star,
Hast thou no scar?

Hast thou no wound?
Yet I was wounded by the archers, spent,
Leaded Me against a tree to die, and rent
By ravening beasts that compassed me, I swooned;
Hast thou no wound?

No wound? No scar?
Yet , as the Master shall the servant be,
And pierced are the feet that follow Me;
But thine are whole; can he have followed far
Who has no wound nor scar? "

Amy Carmichael

Entitled to Chose by susan caldwell

I have often thought that the depth of my compassion is equal to the depth of the pain I’ve experienced in life. But perhaps it would be more accurate to say that out of this pain is born the opportunity to choose compassion or indifference (apathy). To choose the first will give way to mercy and hope and with time it will bring healing. While choosing indifference leads to hate and despair and most probably death to any hope of redeeming the pain.

"Everything can be taken from a man but ...the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way." p.104Victor Frankle “Man’s Search for Meaning”

Victor Frankle observed, after surviving two-and-a-half years in four different Nazi concentration camps, that there were three fundamental experiences which threatened to damage the character of the liberated prisoner: bitterness, disillusionment and when he returned to his former life, a belief that surviving suffering gave permission to do wrong.

Bitterness festers in old wounds, which only increases when restitution is dependent upon others seeing us as the victim by entering into our sorrow and loss or expressing great remorse for not rescuing us. Disillusionment (cynicism) overtakes us when a desperately anticipated reward or outcome, after enduring injustice or underserved pain, fails to materialize. However, I believe, it is the act of choosing one’s attitude about entitlement or the right to do wrong that will most determine direction, future actions and ultimately the character of all emancipated men/women.

I wonder if this why most freedom fighters after having won their battle over an oppressive, unjust and inhuman ruling force quickly begin to reflect the very same characteristics? Ida Amin in Uganda, Mobutu in Zaire and Joseph Stalin in Russia are examples of men who practiced indifference (lack of sympathy) over selflessness (compassion and benevolence) when exercising their freedoms to chose.

And then there is Nelson Mandela. In the book “Leading like Madiba” Martin Kalungu-Banda recounts how the moral character shaped by the choices Mandela made following his release from prison continually reflected grace, compassion and the desire to do justice.

Okay, so now I am thinking that compassion has to be a choice and it is born out of, not simply a product of, pain…and its depth is determined solely on continued selfless choices. This brings me back to aforementioned idea…and a confession that I don’t often choose compassion…
Okay, really how usually I demand justice and want grace, making me look a lot more like a freedom fighter turned indifferent dictator than a liberated survivor who choices bring redemption rather than revenge.