My Undeserved Gifts by Susan Caldwell

An African proverb; “You don’t kiss your children so they will kiss you, you kiss your children so they will kiss their children.”

I had the privilege of sitting with my youngest daughter this past Thursday night and listen to Maya Angelou speak. I deeply appreciate the opportunity to hear words of wisdom from such a gracious icon of courage and womanhood; words of gentle conviction both poetic and prophetic, about the value of each human life. But the real treasure was spending the evening with my daughter and observing her; seeing life and light flow through her eyes and soul, this I will never deserve and not soon forget.

I cannot stop thinking about the gift of healing my children have brought me: Healing with my self-image and worth and my sins of the past. It has been through their lives…from their birth…to the continued invitation into their daily lives that redemption has come to my soul. To be loved unconditionally and forgiven (even my continued shortcoming)…to be included in their laughter, joy, pain, hurt, dreams and disappointments…this is life giving and life inspiring for me.

As my children grew, the desires I had for them grew as well. When they were very little, holding, hugging, kissing and coddling them was what felt right and good to me and doing that was easy. In the toddler years the times of coddling were intermingled with some teaching and some discipline, mostly for their safety. The need to instruct and discipline increased as the world around them expanded…but the desire to hold them and love on them never decreased…but the reason why became clearer. I love them, not so they will love me back…but so that they would know they were loved…and thus were free to love others.

And now once again, I find myself being taught by my children. Becoming more aware of how much God loves me…and what His love of me feels like. When my children include me in their lives because they want to and not because they have to, this tells me they understand the power of love. To have love received is one thing…but to be loved in return…amazing. I rest knowing they will “kiss their children, not so that they will be kissed back, but so that their children will kiss their children.”

So now loving them is mingled with letting them go and I do this so that one day they too will release their children into the world and in so doing, hopefully, give them the gift of being believed in by others, giving them the ability to believe in a God who loves them unconditionally; Who desires to be included in their laughter and joy, pain, hurt, dreams and disappointments…who will continue to forgive them, even their continued shortcomings.


“Behold what manner of love the Father has given unto us, that we should be called the children of God.”