If I choose... by Susan Caldwell

I am pride-filled
I am ugly
I am a liar
I am unable to save myself
I am forgetful
I am selfish
I am ungrateful
I am ashamed
I am all mankind

I am numb inside
Longing to feel
Which will happen first?
Awareness, action, movement, change or
Unexpected actions, forced movement, bringing change
Now aware and wide awake…if I choose
I am alone inside
Yearning to be known
Which will happen first?
Approached, invited, perhaps either or by
Advancing, risking a request, a quickened pulse
Sensing warmth and company…if I choose
I am sad inside
Desiring joy
Which will happen first?
Needs met, dreams fulfilled, infinite happiness or to
Help, give hope, serving where needs are found
Bringing pleasure in purpose…if I choose
I am broken inside
Wishing to be made whole
Which will happen first?
Mending, making new, healing in and through or is
Redemption found in exposing wounds
Being repaired by revealing…if I choose
I am afraid inside
Trembling in self loathing
Which will happen first?
Strength, courage, confident belief in self or in
Confession, dependence, hoping in a Saving Grace
Forever free of fear…if I choose

If I choose…