Beauty and Power by Susan Caldwell

With our whole society obsessed with beauty and power it is hard to know what to teach our children, our daughters especially. As I have tried to navigate my children through these narrow (minded) and dangerous waters I see that I too am subjected to societies measurements of beauty and the power that accompanies it. What I long for the most is to find contentment and peace with myself in the midst of the constant comparing culture of super models and instant starlet-like appearances that surround me. Maybe if I could reflect an inner peace my daughters would sub-consciencly emulate this behavior as they have my many of my less desirable traits.

Recently I heard an ex-supermodel promoting her new book entitled, “Everything About Me is Fake, So Now I am Perfect”. I have not as yet read it, but the title alone stirred within me some very emotional responses. The first one being, “man what a great title!” The next thought brought with it a nervous laugh much like the kind that follows the “one-two” punch line of an edgy comic. You know, when you say to yourself, how true, how sad and how ironic. In the search for perfection we are driven to façade.
Fake nails, fake hair, fake tan, boobs, cheeks (both ends) lips, and noses, even eye pigment; knock off brand name; purses, perfumes, clothing, shoes and sunglasses have generated billions of dollars for the merchandizing industry. We can have ourselves “made over” on the outside for just a few thousands dollars and then go to the outlet mall to purchase a Kate Spade look a like to go with our “Last Chance” bargain basement Manolo Blahnik’s. Attaining for the moment the ever-illusive image of beauty and wealth without all the costs thus completing our perfect package persona by appearing as Surely (sic) Stunning a real sharp shrewd shopper. This “need” to appear, as more than we are has not just permeated our physical beings it seeps into our very souls as well.
This led me deeper into the rabbit hole.
I remember longing for high school to be over so I could finally relax and stop worrying that the truth might be discovered. I was not all that I appeared to be. I was a fake. I could not get my inside feelings to line up with my outward appearance. Not that I didn’t try. I had the hip-hugger bellbottomed jeans, flip flops, macramé belt, long stringy straight hair and the entire outfit “topped off” with either a tie-dyed halter or a far from flattering tube-top. And at 5’3” 130 lbs, give or take a few Twinkies…O’ yeah, on the outside (I thought) I looked cool. Now if my insides would just not betray me. Because, I did not feel cool, what I remember feeling most was fear.
Gosh, if I had only known what was coming? From the college years: Was it really possible to appear happy and carefree while living in the middle of stress and chaos? Through: first jobs, dating, marriage and then children, the need to appear; competent, attractive, strong, self-confident, independent and flexible regardless of my feelings, only increased. Maybe high school was not the exception. Maybe high school was the preparation. Talk about makeovers, reinventing your self and keeping up an appearance; that wasn’t just high school that is life.
It feels like all I’ve ever been doing… to be honest is faking it.
Martha Beck in her book “Expecting Adam” writes about her alter ego “Fang”. The persona she developed at Harvard while trying to keep her insecurities at bay and her deepest fear of being discovered as a fake hidden.
Saint Francis of Assisi’s called his alter ego “brother ass”, the part of him that did not “behave” the way he wished. Thereby allowing him self the freedom to live out his hearts desires, even when his behavior didn’t always line up.
Maybe the satirical title “Everything about me is fake, so now I am perfect” is a genuinely profound truth and not sadly ironic. Perhaps, it is in admitting our fake side(s) we do all move closer to obtaining “perfection”…okay maybe not perfection, but certainly more peace along the way!